For Want of a Smile
by Aya Rose
Summary: English names because the concept of evil Naru hurts. Molly, starting late Sailor Moon R, shoujo ai.
1. Evil Will Rule Your Soul

Don't own Sailor Moon, just playing in the sandbox.  
  
----  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
I know I haven't written in a few months but I've needed time to deal with some things.  
Oh, and the added bonus of knowing no one short of a second year apprentice will be able to open this book. I feel free to actually write the truth. What with magic being dead on earth. Wink wink nudge.  
  
First, Max, my first boyfriend. Well, he was an older gentleman, worked for Dark Queen Beryl, and generally was out to destroy the world. ^.^ The second was just some poor boy I conned into it because I wanted to look normal, especially in front of Serena.  
  
The truth of the matter is. I love Serena. With all my heart. And she can _never_ find out. Never ever ever never. She's actually destined to be with a boy named Darien. I shouldn't know this. This is another reason she can never love me. I know she's Sailor Moon.   
  
Normally being the defender of love an justice and all it shouldn't be too bad to love her. It's almost in the job description. The reason that reason is so good for not telling her at all, is that she would find out that I am/was her enemy Queen Beryl.  
  
No, I don't understand it completely. Apparently Metallia, 16 years ago or so, when she felt the Moon Princess being reborn, had tried to take over Beryl's sleeping body. I, we, what ever had set up a back up plan, in which I was immediately reborn, as a pure soul, while Metallia did what ever she was going to, with a shell of a clone.  
  
Actually, I, the first Queen Beryl I mean, started questioning Metallia goals in the middle of the second age, with good reason. She was kinda trying to take over our mind. She already had the generals. And was trying to control myself. Herself. Whatever.  
  
When we started, it was a good idea at the time. Then moon kingdom was a god like force, only opposed by those stupid enough to try to confront it. All magic was kingdom controlled. All humans were automatically below the 'noblemen' of the time. Any one of us with signs of magical talent were slaughtered by witch hunters. I actually HOPE Serenity did not recognize the system she had created. Otherwise I am grateful her daughter did not turn out as corrupt as she may have been.  
  
So we rebelled. I was the illegitimate daughter of a nobleman. Upon my birth, my mother and family was killed because of me, as would I have been if I was not rushed into hiding by the nursemaid. My 'father' went on a killing spree, slaying all young children of my age until I grew strong enough to kill him. At 13 I accidently found the remnants of an Alien being which was called Metallia. It took 6 years to free earth, and... I kinda decided to go to the moon to raze the heart of the kingdom... I thought it was to stop the oppression of the solar system... Metallia lied. The rest is history.  
  
By why write now? Why, because she's going off to her death. To fight a UFO from the future or another dimension or something. The whole thing is radiating with evil, and there's nothing more I could do besides wish her luck. I don't know if it was the right thing to do. She might figure out that I know or even that... but that's better then not doing anything... Right?  
  
There's even a dark crystal that is growing in the center of town. It's full of depression, and sorrow. Dark emotions, but not evil yet.  
  
Strangely, the more of the strange black crystal I touch, the clearer my memories are. I even have a small piece of it around my neck. Not enough to attract attention. But enough to defend myself if necessary. It even grows when I tell it things that make me sad or depressed. It should last me a long time.  
  
Soo... well, that's it. I'll be writing again. 


	2. Hope:

Dear Diary,  
  
Yeah. I don't have too much to say. Sorry.  
  
I did start smoking. I know it's not good for me, but I get so nervious lately. It helps me calm down. It helps alot really. There's some scary stuff in the world lately. I'd have to assume it was there before, but luckly I didnt have to see it then. I could just float around merrily, and ignore all the darkness running around.  
  
And It's not just dark magic, though there's alot of that running loose. People in this city are just so... so dirty. It's like they don't care about what they do, as long as they make it through to tommorow. Not at all like Serena... Her soul is perfect! Shining almost. It's really hard to explain, but it's just so beautiful. I wish I could get a picture of it.  
  
Oh, Serena broke the Millinuem Silver Crystal today. Actually it was a demon thing, but still. I hope she can fix it before something worse shows up. The world isn't a very nice place, especially when there's nothing for the Dark to fear.  
  
And since that night Serena went to fight the UFO thing, there's been this really really dark energy floating around. It's been banished for the most part, and it keeps trying to rebuild power. But I keep stealing the dark energy it's building up. I guess that makes me a good guy in a way. It's nice... sort of. I can help Sailor Moon, without her noticing me.  
  
You know, I think I'm different then Beryl too. Sort of like how Serena isn't just a carbon copy reincarnation of the Moon Princess, but a combination of the two. So maybe I can tell her what's going on... eventually. Maybe she won't try to kill me on the spot.  
  
I feel alot better now. I guess having something to share secrets with is kind of uplifting.  
  
I'm going to go have a cigarette, and then go for a walk (patrol) before midnight. I have to get back to studying for entrance exams too. Serena probably won't get started for another few months. Then we'll end up cramming for the last few days before the test. 


	3. It's Like A Kick In The Mouth

Still don't own Sailor Moon. But not for want of trying. Someday... but for now it's Toei's and a number of other people with more money and power.

  


---***---

  


Well, end of the school year. A quick summer break and it's back to a school. 

Hopefully High School won't be as... trying as before... Somehow I doubt it though.

  


No, she didn't call.

  


Not a message, no fevered "We have to start studying. Now Molly!", no passing hello in the hallways.

Actually, I did get a few of those. But she's spending much more time with that group of her's.

  


And they're good for her. She got 76% on the entrance exams.

  


Of course, her genius friend aced them, and not a little. And her long haired friend ddn't do as well, but she still passed also. And her priestess friend teased her about scoring so low...

  


But Serena got a C...

  


And not even a barely there, skin of her teeth C. An honest to god C.

  


And not once did she ask me for any help.

  
  


Okay, that sounds very very selfish, but... I liked helping her cram. We didn't get to spend much time together as is, what with me working in Mom's shop most afternoons, and her being grounded so often. And her friends didn't celebrate her getting a good score, they just told her she should have done better.

I mean, half of the teaching staff was betting she wouldn't be able to get her name spelled correctly, Mrs Haruna was buckling down for her to have to be held back a year, and her parents were worried she was just going to drop out. For her to pass, and not even by some fluke is... amazing. And they wanted more out of her? It's so frustrating.

  


Now she's not picking fights with her little brother, she's only late to class on Monday mornings, she's not sleeping during most of them... it's like she's... she's....

  


I don't know. Growing up maybe.

  
  


I don't want her to grow up... I want her to be my Serena again. Not having to worry about Boyfriends, grades, alien invasions... and where she'd spend time with me.

  


Hey, I'm even depressing to myself!

Things to do tommorrow:

*Buy new pack of cigarettes: I went through this one way to fast, 2 days is unusal. Maybe it's just stress.

*Return books to library: See if Dictionary of Spirits is in this week.

*Send flower basket to Serena: She deserves it.


End file.
